Saturday, July 14, 2007

You can't make me say it

Dad: hello

Lonely: Hello

Dad: Hello.

Lonely: Ah, Daddy, good afternoon Sir!

Dad: Sharap!! I've told you stop that Sir nonsense. How are you?

Lonely: I guess I’m doing great, Sir.

Dad: Olu kwanu (and your job)?

Lonely: Going well.

Lonely: How is everyone?

Dad: Everyone is ok. Your brother is still insisting on that girl. Your sisters are working hard to finish my money and your mother only gives me pawpaw and soaked garri.

*joke alert*

Lonely: ha ha ha ha

Dad: ehen. I've been meaning to talk to you.

Lonely: what’s the matter?

Dad: Lonely, you know that that-thing is everywhere now.

*oh meeeen, not again*

Lonely: Everywhere?

Dad: YES!! In fact the numbers keep rising every second.

Lonely: What thing?

*like i don't know*

Dad: The other day i put on the news and they said that it is spreading like wild fire.

Lonely: Wild Fire?

Dad: YES!! I know my son very well and I know he would not do anything silly but i just have to fulfill my duties and mention it.


Dad: You know once you get it you are just FINISHED!

Lonely: Get what?


Lonely: Hello

Dad: Hello

*so he hears me*

Dad: I spoke with Doctor O the other day and he said that the number of patients he gets with that thing is just unimaginable. It is as if everyone has it.

Lonely: Everyone?

Dad: Yes!! He even said that you can now get it from Kissing.

Lonely: Kissing?

*somebody save me*

Dad: YES!

Lonely: Get what?

Dad: So you have to be very very careful. Just stay focused and when the time is right you get someone and settle down.

Lonely: Hello

Dad: Hello

Lonely: Dad

Dad: Yes

*You MUST say it today*

Lonely: What are you talking about?

Dad: I told your mum that we would talk to you next time you're in d country on days off but i just decided to have a word with you now.

*no hope*

Lonely: ok.

Dad: You know our people are humble and we don’t show off. It is when you show off that you start attracting all manner of creatures.

Lonely: Yes, humility is very important.

Dad: Just focus on your job and when God's time comes you can settle down.

Lonely: Ok Sir.

Dad: Stop it!

Lonely: ok

Dad: so, when next are you coming ...~wurahell are u driving? U don't use your side mirrors? Slow down slow down. I have told you to always give some headroom before the car in front! If you scratch this car i'll skin u alive. Ike udele (ass of a vulture)~

Lonely: I have three weeks left, would be off for 3 too. Please greet the driver for me.

Dad: ok, Lonely i'll talk to you some other time.

Lonely: thanks for the call, my regards to everyone.

Dad: of course. Bye.

Lonely: bye.

My r/ship with my Dad is kindda stiff and sometimes funny. In as much as it makes him extremely uncomfortable, he has had countless talks with me on HIV, however, he never ever mentions it by name. Surely, he knows it can’t be contacted via pronunciation alone.

For stressing yourself to keep me safe pops, I appreciate the effort. Much luv.


femme said...

you should really listen to daddy- lol

UndaCovaSista said...

Aaaah. How sweet!Great Blogger display name, by the way. So what is this country no one has heard of?

Omosewa said...

Yay you're back! I stalk your blog for updates, lemme confess now. LOL.

Nneka's World said...

that conversation was too funny, the one that got me was the vulture nyash!!! Hahaha

Anonymous said...

lol!ur dad is cute!yeah na true in talk!u garb d message sa tho he didnt mention d word!he is RIGHT!

Anonymous said...

awwwww, he's so sweeeet!

catwalq said...

oh my god this is HEELAH- rious.
what? ur dad has just bumped off Kpakpando's mum off the number one spot for "funny blog parent".

Ike Udele, my new eze okwu

Surviving with Truth said...

buahahahaaaaa!!! this post is so funny! your dad is jokes lmao
poor man. hes so scared. he loves you o

Anonymous said...

lmao ur dad is bloody hilarious!!! ike udele.. lol thats original but this boy oh i no been kno say u be igbo boy oh... so ibu nwanne... lol... protect urself oh like daddy says.. lmao